Or, what you'll need to know so
that you don't embarrass yourself your first few weeks/months here. For now,
this page (incompletely) covers streets, neighborhoods, acronyms,
transportation, and random tidbits.
Streets
- It's "Mass Ave," not "Massachusetts Avenue."
- Similarly, the Massachusetts Turnpike is called "the Mass Pike" or just
"The Pike."
- Memorial drive is "Mem Drive."
- You can also call Commonwealth Avenue "Comm Ave," but it's not as
imperative.
- When you walk down Newbury Street, make sure you inhale deeply and smell
the money.
- Lansdowne Street is a short street in Kenmore/Fenway with a ton of
nightclubs on it. "Lansdowne Street" is sort of synonomous with "drunken
dancing fools" (not that I haven't done this myself on some occasions).
- Boston doesn't do anything logical like number its streets (this isn't New
York) or letter them (this isn't DC). However, there is a series of streets in
the Back Bay that do run alphabetically from the Boston Common to Mass Ave:
Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth, Exeter, Fairfield, Gloucester,
Hereford.
Neighborhoods and Towns
- People from Boson are called "Bostonians." People from Cambridge are, for
some reason, called "Cantabridgians."
- "The Fenway" is a neighborhood. "Fenway" is a baseball stadium (subtle
distinction). To make matters worse, there is a street called "The Fenway"
which is in "The Fenway" (the neighborhood). But unless there's a number in
front of it (like "200 The Fenway"), the phrase "The Fenway" almost always
refers to the section of town, not the street. Confused? Good.
- Cambridge used to be called (and sometimes still is called) "The People's
Republic of Cambridge." Back in the day, it was a hotbed of liberalism. It
also used to have rent control, which people still bitch about losing, and rightfully so.
- The following places are Boston neighborhoods, not separate towns:
Allston, Brighton, Jamaica Plain, South Boston, Dorchester, Roxbury, West
Roxbury, Roslindale, Hyde Park, Mission Hill. There is some debate about this
issue, and addressing letters to "[name of big neighborhood], MA" will get
them there, but these places are not incorporated and are therefore part of
Boston. They pay Boston taxes and send their kids to the Boston Public
Schools.
- On a similar note: Cambridge, Somerville, Brookline, and Watertown are not
part of Boston; they are separate towns.
- Boston-area town names are rarely pronounced the way they are spelled;
this is intended to confuse and annoy. Take it from the natives: go here and learn how
"Leominster" is really pronounced.
- The South End is a Boston neighborhood on the Orange Line populated by
many gay men and yuppies. South Boston is a neighborhood on the Red Line (also
known as "Southie") populated by many blue-collar Irish families. Do not
confuse the two, or people will snicker. (Just remember Southie is where "Good
Will Hunting" was set).
- It is, in fact, almost impossible to park one's car in Harvard Yard, or
Harvard Square for that matter.
- "The Combat Zone" refers to hooker-infested and generally seedy bits of
Chinatown. It's not that bad anymore. Think Times Square.
Acronyms Unveiled
- MFA = Museum of Fine Arts (not, as our friend Owen suggests, "Mother
Fuckin' Art")
- BSO = Boston Symphony Orchestra
- JP = Jamaica Plain
- BCAE = Boston Center for Adult Education
- BPL = Boston Public Library
- BU = Boston Univeristy
- NU = Northeastern University
- BC = Boston College
- You probably know what MIT is (just in case: Massachusetts Institute of
Technology)
- NECCO = New England Confectionery Company (the Cambridge factory is the
only place in the world where Necco wafers and those talking candy hearts are
made)
- MBTA = (see below)
Transportation
- The subway system is called "The T" (short for MBTA, which, in turn, is
short for Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority.)
- T routes are defined by color: Red, Green, Blue, Orange. The Green Line is
further split up into branches: B, C, D, and E (A has been discontinued).
- MBTA commuter trains (the ones that go out to the deep suburbs) are called
"The Commuter Rail." You can call it the Purple Line, but only if you've
already lived here for a while and you want to be snide.
- MBTA buses are called "buses."
- The T sends out its last train at about 12:30, effectively killing
Boston's nightlife at 11:59 p.m.
- You can get useful things like bus schedules at this web site.
- The airport is called "Logan," so don't call it the Boston Airport or
something.
- Do not, under any circumstances, make fun of a T driver's thick Boston
accent. We've all heard the "Haahvahd Yaahd" joke already, and it will make
everyone assume you're a freshman.
- Do not confuse the T stops Kenmore and Kendall. Kenmore is on the green
line and is a very young neighborhood. Kendall is on the red line and has lots
of offices in the vicinity. If you have a job interview, it's probably at
Kendall.
- The Green line features a stop called "Longwood" and another stop called
"Longwood Medical Area." Evil! Longwood is on the D line. Longwood Medical
Area is on the E line. They're actually pretty close together, so as long as
you have a map, this isn't as bad a screw-up as confusing Kenmore and Kendall.
- If you drive in Boston, you deserve what you get.
- Consider actually waiting for the Walk sign. Press the little button; it's
the only way to even get a Walk sign.
Miscellaneous
- The big Citgo sign sits atop a Barnes & Noble in Kenmore Square. You
can't buy gas there, so don't even try.
- The bridge that connects Cambridge to Boston via Mass Ave is measured in
Smoots -- it was a frat pledge prank involving a guy named Smoot and some MIT
brothers with a lot of free time. Later, they re-measured the bridge with Mr.
Smoot's son (leading to a new standard of measure, "New Smoots"). It's
sometimes referred to as the "Smoot bridge."
- The local chain "Newbury Comics" sells CDs. Counterintuitive, yes? Some
stores still sell comics, and most sell alterna-teen gear such as Manic Panic,
and Doc Martens. Yes, there is one on Newbury Street.
- There is a big vertical light on top of the old John Hancock building in
downtown Boston that makes general weather forecasts. The light is either
blue, blinking blue, red, or blinking red. You can decode it using the
following lame poem: "Solid blue, skies are too/Blinking blue, clouds are
due/Solid red, rain ahead/Blinking red, snow instead." (Or, Rick
says, "Blinking red: you're fucked.")
- Don't be alarmed if your bathroom light is on the outside of the bathroom.
This is fairly normal. Also, your tub may have feet.
- When meeting friends in Harvard Square, "The Pit" refers to the area
around the main T stop exit (You'll see punk/goth teenagers all around you and
The Coop across the street from you). You might also meet at Out of Town News,
which is the name of the magazine stand adjacent to The Pit.
Talking Like a Native
Yet?
Weird Boston slang,
abbreviations, and pronunciations are scattered all over this page. But wait!
There's more!
- First, be aware that not all Boston residents have Boston accents (such as
dropped R's). This is partially because many Bostonians have been transplanted
from other parts of the country. Also, many born-and-bred Bostonians
schizophrenically vacillate between accent and no-accent, depending on who
they're talking to.
- People from Boston -- and most of New England, for that matter -- use the
word "wicked" as a synonym for "very." As in "it's wicked cold out there." You
get bonus points for using the phrase "wicked pisser" to mean "very cool."
("That's a wicked pissah website you guys have there.")
- Another odd-to-outsiders New Englandism is this: liquor stores are called
"package stores." Making a "packie run" means you are going to buy booze. We
have been forever scarred by this euphemism; upon seeing "liquor stores" in
other parts of the country we assume they sell packages.
- A "spa" is not a place where you sit in a sauna, a spa is a small
convenience store.
- Bostonians call their city-wide New Year's Eve festivities "First Night."
There are other First Nights elsewhere, but we think Boston's First Night came
first. Since it's held on the last night of the year, we don't think the name
makes much sense.
- See The Wicked Good
Guide to Boston English for more than you need to know about local slang
and pronunciation. Heck, we're transplants too. We can't tell you everything
:)