Fear the coming Minoguian colonization

Taking a study break last night, Jen and I watched (and heckled) the "pageant" finale of
The Swan. I envy anyone who doesn't know of this show's existence. Fox took 16 women who all sounded like they would benefit from a little therapy, sleep, and a vacation, and subjected them to extreme plastic surgery, unqualified therapy, and intensive boot camp-style exercise to "transform" them. At least the nutritionist didn't directly pimp Atkins.

The pageant involved swimsuits, lingerie, evening gowns, and the usual question and answer section about how they have changed and now will go on to spread the dream to the rest of the world. Favorite quote: "Before the program, I had really low self esteem, especially about myself." There was a lot of reference to "the program", causing us to wonder how much brain-washing was involved, too.

We also caught a episode or two leading up to this for the train wreck factor, and it was all sorts of wrong. Two women would be videotaped in agony after surgery talking about how pretty they felt. The worst part was not the responses after these poor souls get to see their new faces for the first time at the end of the show, but that one would then immediately be told she's not good enough for the pageant.

I'm somehow still surprised only one woman dropped out.

Anyway, this all got me thinking, and I realized that Earth needs to wake up and perpare itself for intergalactic war. I've noticed a trend enslaving Europe since 2001. First there was one. Then her "sister" came on the scene. The Swan is the surest sign in a while that we have an epidemic of alien assimilation on our hands. The Minoguians are coming, my friends. Fear.

Sure, perhaps plastic surgeons just all learn one template face with standard large cheekbones. I prefer to be concerned about the doctors working alongside the enemy to desensitize us to the upcoming influx of full-blooded Minoguians into society. Or, are they testing human-alien hybrids on national television?

It's almost time for tin-foil hats...